Loving my kids...

Holy moly... I realize I complain constantly about my little monsters.. but I truly love them to pieces. I absolutely love that my baby Bridger has this amazing, nostalgic, comforting, wonderful scent of being my baby. I also just love that he says.."amama amama" and reaches up to me with his head slightly cocked to the side and hiding behind his shoulder and then makes this growling face like he's going to bite me if I try.... I love that when we go grocery shopping and a classic rock song comes on... that Bridger starts bopping his head and bouncing up and down to the music because that is what Daddy taught him to do. I love that when he's tired and ready to sleep, that he cuddles up to me and lays perfectly still. I love that Lily has such a sweet, sensitive heart. It can make for a lot of frustration, but when I'm truly in tune, it just helps me take a step back and realize that , "Hey... so maybe I did freak out a little too much at what she just did. Time for a mommy apology." Without her sensitivity... I wouldn't know when to cut back on the strict discipline. I love that she is completely honest with whatever comes to her thoughts. Lately, my favorites have been, "Mommy... I think you need to stop coloring you hair and go back to your natural color. Also... you need to grow it out because I do not like your short hair. Also... have I mentioned I don't like the color? Because I don't." And another favorite was, "Mom, can you make dinner tonight? Like, actually make something with those pots and pans and on top of that stove thing... Like, not use a microwave?" Hahaha! I also love how much she loves her Daddy. She gets sooo excited when she gets to spend the day with Dad! She thinks he is the funnest, coolest person in town and would spend every minute with him if she could. I also love how good she is to her brother. She gets sooo frustrated with him but, to be honest I would have lost my cool a long time ago with him. She is very patient, kind and loves to teach him. I am very blessed to have her as the "big sister" and one day, he'll be grateful too. My kids are so awesome and I love them so much. I just feel like all I have done for the past... well... it's been too long... is complain about how hard it is to be a mom and keep up with it all and be happy about it ALL the time. You know what though? My kids are AWESOME! They are so good to each other, to people around them and to their parents and I am so very proud of them! My hope is that one day, they will be able to look back at their childhood and be content and happy. I hope that they will know who they are and where they came from and exactly what to expect of themselves in everything they do. I want them to remember a happy and loving family that maybe did not have every cool toy or big fancy house... but had each other and loved one another unconditionally. I hope that as my family grows... that one day we can have big family reunions and I can sit in a lawn chair holding Dan's hand while having 20 grandchildren running around and having fun. I hope that I can be a good example to them and teach them what they need to know for this life and the next. Most of all, I want them to know how much I love them.

Stop with the negative...

So... after feeling a little sorry for myself today, I decided to buck up and just go to the gym! I went. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical on level 5! Then I did 20 minutes on the treadmill on a 2.5 incline going 3.5! Then I did Zumba for 40 minutes! I sweat and sweat and sweat. Then my Tylenol wore off and my throat started to kill again... so I went home. BUT then... I ate a salad for dinner. Yup.. pretty much rock. Cross your fingers I rock tomorrow too!

Complaining...

Ok... So anyone mind if I just complain for a little bit? Actually... who cares?! It's my blog! I'll complain all I want! So... I'm having body image issues. After I had Lily (about 6 years ago) I had NO PROBLEM losing weight. I gained about 60 lbs and it just slowly came off naturally throughout her first year. After she turned 1 and I was still 20lbs away from my pre baby weight I was like, "Hmmm... I should go on a diet." So I did. I did weight watchers. I wasn't really strict about it either! AND I didn't work out at all! After about 12 weeks I lost the 20 lbs and looked even better that I did in high school! Ugh... So NOW Bridger just turned 1 March 13th. And I am again 40lbs away from what I would like to be. I started his pregnancy a little overweight and so even though I only gained like 35... I still have more to go. AND IT IS HARD!!! I decided in January to join the gym and start my weight watchers again. So... for the past 3 months I have been working out and doing my weight watchers. So my good ol' lose 40 lbs... take a wild guess how much I have lost... go ahead... guess! WRONG!!!! Whatever you guessed is wrong. BECAUSE I have lost a total whopping FIVE POUNDS! FIVE POUNDS! What??? Yeah yeah... so I lost an inch everywhere! So?? I want to look good again!! Holy crap guys... If I ate like my husband... I would be 350 lbs! Am I going to stay this way forever? Keep in mind... the 5 lbs I did lose was in the first 4 weeks. I haven't lost a dang thing for 8 weeks! 8 weeks! Well, except for when I had the stomach flu, then food poisoning right after (but that doesn't count because as soon as my body started DRINKING WATER again.. it came right back!) What do I do? Dan keeps saying, "Stop stressing about it so much. It will probably come off when you stop stressing!" But really guys... I'm 5' 7" and weigh 188 lbs! I can't get below it! I wear a size 14! I realize that isn't huge or anything... but I don't feel confident at all. Before having Bridger (keep in mind it was a whole year ago) I weighed around 160 and wore a size 10! I don't want it to warm up because then I have to shed off the hoodie that I have been hiding behind. I know my husband loves me and for some reason still finds me attractive. I just don't know why! I still look pregnant. I have rolls down my belly when I sit down... Uh!!! It would be one thing if I just looked like this and wasn't working on it... but I am! EVERY DAY! I realize I don't make it to the gym 7 days a week... but I'm putting forth effort! I eat healthy and low fat constantly! What the heck? I am sooo frustrated. Maybe I should work out 2 hours a day. And instead of adding in activity points to my day, I should just not. Maybe that would work? Trainers at the gym, advise not to take away the points because my body needs them... but it's not WORKING!! What do I do??? Any words of encouragement? Help? Anything? I'm so down in the dumps.

What I looked like after losing my weight with Lily. I would just give anything to look like that again!

What I looked like before getting pregnant with Bridger.

What I looked like 3 weeks after having Bridger.

What I looked like 3 months ago.

What I look like now!!! All that hard work... for nothing. Uhhh... How do I get back to my cute little body? My point is.. it's not like I just have a "mom" body now because I looked better than ever after having Lily! Women just have it tough all around. All men have to do is THINK baouit losing weight and it falls right off. It's NOT fair.

Ok... the end.

Just plain fun pictures...

And here you see Bridger eating a Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookie. You see, I just couldn't get him to stop yelling and grunting... the cookie made him happy for about 5 minutes.

AND Bridger got into the candy drawer again. This time he learned how to take the wrapper off... ChOcOlAtE!!!

It was a mess...

A big chocolate puddle mess.

He likes candy!

Bridger and Mommy

Cynthia (Dan's mom), Lily, Jenny (Dan's sister), and Bridger

Bridger after his bath.. (before his haircut..)

Aww... Daddy and Bridger taking a Sunday nap.

We decided to let Bridger feed himself...

He REALLY got into it.

Bridger turned OnE yEaR oLd!!!

Yay! Bridger turned ONE YEAR OLD on March 13th! We had so much fun.. We just had a little party with the family at our house. It was a blast. I'm so proud of my little Bridger Boy...

We ARE aLiVe!!!

First off.. let me start off by apologizing for not posting ANYTHING for a whole month! Holy cow it's been a crazy past 4 or 5 weeks. It started with Bridger getting some kind of respiratory infection. Then, Dan brought home Strep Throat and shared it with the WHOLE family. Then, he brought home the lovely stomach flu. Right after that, my migraines took a turn for the worse so I went to the doctor to be put on some kind of "preventative medicine". He put me on Topomax which not only did NOT fix my migraines... but gave me some very terrifying side affects. Once I got off that wonderful drug, and got myself a new one... things have been more under control. I still get them, they just don't last as long. Then... right when I thought, "Wow!!! I'm feeling sooo much better! No horrible migraine, mo stomach flu, no sore throat...". Then BAM! There I was thinking, "Look at me being so healthy AND frugal! I went to the store, bought stuff for a ham sandwich... packed my lunch for work." Then, about an hour after eating my lovely sandwich, I started feeling nauseous. I got cold sweats and I was burning up. I wasn't home longer that and hour and let the worshiping of the Porcelain Throne begin! I threw up... and threw up... and more fun stuff from other... uh... regions... and more throw up and then, "Ahhh... I feel sooo much better! Wait... no...". Then MORE throwing up. I threw up until there was nothing left. Stupid ham. Stupid food poisoning. I don't think I'll be able to eat deli meat for a year without dry heaving just a little. And things went great for a week!! However, now I have a cold. I have to be honest.. I would take a cold over the past few illnesses. Trust me. A cold I can handle. There wasn't ALL bad in the recent month though... There were a lot of fun things too (in between all the yuckiness).